Relationship By Design

Mastering the ART of Relationships!

Are you looking for some help with a relationship?

If you are interested in something other than counseling or therapy, we invite you to join us in a truly innovative and unique approach to regaining the peace, ease, and fulfillment that is natural to relationship.

Join us in mastering the art of relationship by first uncovering the default nature and design of relationships (including the hidden pitfalls that destine every relationship to disappointments, upsets and frustrations); then gaining the insights needed to design relationships (rather than continually trying to repair them); and finally, equipping yourselves to successfully meet the many challenges that accompany long-lasting relationships.

Relationship is both the access to – and the ultimate experience of – being fulfilled.


Does your relationship have what it takes to last?

A relationship could be considered to be a structure. And like any structure, its strength and durability is determined by its foundation. A strong foundation produces a strong, lasting relationship.

The strength and longevity/survivability of any structure – a building, a bridge, a statue, etc. – depends upon its structural integrity, which begins with its foundation or base. If its foundation/base is strong, a structure stands a good chance of lasting. And if the portion of the structure above the foundation begins to deteriorate, it can be repaired and refurbished effectively because the foundation is still there. If the foundation is weak or damaged, the structure above it is much more likely to degrade to the point of collapse – and become irreparable.

Many people believe that the base or foundation for relationships is love and affection, interests and values, wants and needs, etc. However, those things can – and often do – shift and change over time. Therefore, they really do not form a strong, lasting foundation for a relationship.    

Also, while the locale or setting of a structure – e.g. a park, a cityscape, a waterfall, etc. – may enhance the appearance of the structure, it does not determine the strength and stability of the structure. While homes, offices, vacations, etc. may enhance the appearance and enjoyment of relationships, they do not produce strength and durability in relationships.

So what does?

PROMISES – making and fulfilling promises together. Promises are the foundation for every kind of relationship. In marriages the promises are called vows. In business they’re called contracts. In sports they’re called rules. In communities and societies they’re called laws. Promises are sometimes also called covenants, by-laws, agreements, etc.

Making promises establishes and shapes the structure of a relationship. Fulfilling the promises produces the strength and durability of the relationship. Failing to make and fulfill promises together results in the deterioration and eventual collapse of a relationship.

Just recently, we helped a couple move from hopelessness to harmony simply by assisting them in creating new promises in their relationship. Within 24 hours they broke one of the promises and immediately moved back from harmony to hopelessness.

Mastering the “art of promises” is essential to mastering the art of relationship. We have a whole lot to say about the power of making and fulfilling promises. And we look forward to sharing our discoveries with you in the future.

Wishing you a strong, lasting relationship,




Sandy and Lon were young parents when they stumbled upon a new way of understanding their lives and life around them. Very soon thereafter, they began to share their discoveries with others. And for the next three decades, they assisted thousands of people in seeing beyond the typical psychological explanations for human behaviors and circumstances. People’s lives were transformed as they gained the power to design their lives rather than be trapped in automatic reactions.

Sandy and Lon Golnick

Sandy & Lon

Co-Creators of Relationship By Design


After spending 30 years working with individual adults, young people, and organizations, Sandy and Lon realized that they could apply transformational methodology to relationships as well as to individuals. They closely examined the nature of human relationships, including their own 40+ year marriage, and they discovered what no one else has talked or written about: you have a lot more to do with how your relationships go than you realize.
Sandy and Lon created Relationship by Design, LLC to continue to explore and share their discoveries and transform relationships. They have been doing that ever since through coaching and workshops, many of them in attractive vacation destinations and on ocean cruises.

Sandy and Lon, now married over 55 years, live in San Marcos, CA, near their two daughters, three grandsons, and three granddaughters.


In 2005, Carol and Paul first joined Sandy and Lon in a workshop with two of their children and were inspired to become their partners in exploring relationships, determined to cut the bonds that constrain people from what’s possible in relationships.

Carol and Paul

Carol & Paul


Carol and Paul had successful careers as a lawyer and as a writer, respectively, before their marriage in 2004. Inspired by the joys and heartbreaks of their previous marriages, they set out to discover what resources might be available to keep their loving relationship on a firm foundation for the rest of their lives. Among the many wise teachers and fellow-explorers they discovered, Sandy and Lon stood out as unique.
Since 2005, Paul and Carol have engaged with Relationship by Design as participants, as supporters, and finally as full partners with Sandy and Lon in designing and leading explorations into extraordinary relationship. Simultaneously, they have filled leadership roles in a national organization dedicated to profoundly fulfilling relationships. Inspiring thousands of individuals and couples to explore, create and flourish in relationships has become the vision and mission of their marriage.

Carol and Paul reside in Bethesda, MD, giving Relationship By Design coast-to-coast reach.


In 2016, Zach and Sierra happened to sit next to Carol and Paul in a presentation Sandy and Lon were leading. It was then that they had a vision of an exciting new future – making a positive difference in all kinds of relationships, including romantic, family, work and community relationships. They also realized they could fulfill that future by joining Sandy, Lon, Carol and Paul in Relationship By Design.

Sierra and Zach

Sierra & Zach


A short time later, Zach and Sierra requested to be trained to lead Relationship By Design’s Relationship: The Real Deal workshop – which they are now doing.

Sierra and Zach live in Seattle, WA (where they both grew up). They are the proud parents of Carnegie and Chamberlain, ages 6 and 3. Currently Zach is a software sales manager and Sierra runs her own clothing boutique online.


Free 15-Minute Consultation

Find out if working with us would make a difference in your relationships.

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From Workshop Attendees and Clients

“An excellent journey to understand both how delusional we are about relationships and how to travel the road together - truly together.”

Joseph P.

Upcoming Workshops

We offer workshops and coaching where you discover the mechanisms that undermine your relationships… as well as gaining access to creating extraordinary relationships.