Are You Working On Your Relationship?

After a carefully planned day went astray, we resolved to “get better” at carrying out our plans. Then we started to laugh at ourselves.

September 9, 2020

A few mornings ago, we had planned to accomplish several tasks we had assigned ourselves. (We had made sure that there were not so many so as to produce stress.) Shortly after breakfast, as we were about to begin those tasks, we received a phone call from a friend, which resulted in us having a very different day than the one we had planned. As we were going through our unplanned day, we became aware of how seldom our days actually go as planned. Even when most of a day does go as planned, often a good portion of it does not.    

Then we realized how much we wanted to come up with a way to do better in operating consistently with our plans. Then it dawned on us that we were attempting to make a plan to better execute our plans. Finally, we began to see that we unconsciously used much, if not most, of our time trying to make our life better by changing things. 

“The more you work at changing things, the more they appear to be staying the same.” ~ Sandy&Lon’s adaption of an Old French Adage: “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

Another way of looking at the old adage is: If you are focused on changing something, you must be seeing it as it was and failing to see it as it is – which is different from what it was a year, a week, a day or even a moment ago.

Many of us are so focused on working on or changing our relationships that we fail to see that changes are already taking place. A relationship, like everything else, is in a constant state of change.   

As you become aware that change is natural to your relationship, you might find yourself letting go of your compulsion to change it - or to change yourself or your partner. You might just let your relationship evolve naturally. You might become aware of the wonder of being in relationship – and of the wonder of the amazing people in your life.

As you begin to see that you and the other people in your life have been changing quite naturally, without you having to do anything, you may use your time with them getting updated on the kind of person they are now, rather than trying to change them from the kind of person that you remember them being. You could think up some questions to ask them. And you might discover and enjoy a “new” relationship.

With our love, 

Sandy&Lon

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