Attraction

The real question is not “What if…?” It’s “When…, then what?”

August 12, 2020

What if you’re attracted to someone…else?

You may be one of the millions of people who have this concern, or its counterpart, “What if your partner is attracted to someone else?”

Millions of people miss the experience of peace, ease and fulfillment in their relationships, and millions more avoid committed relationships altogether, because of this concern.

However, the real question is not “What if…?” It’s “When…, then what?”

Being attracted to many other members of the species comes with being human. It’s been a human trait for thousands of years. Also, most people work at being attractive, so it’s likely that you will be attracted to others for the rest of your life, 

The question is “When you are attracted to ‘someone else,’ what do you do?” 

While there is no “the answer” to the question, it’s useful to know for yourself what will determine your behavior when you are attracted to “someone else.”

Promises establish the foundation and the form of a relationship. Keeping the promises nurtures the affinity that is the backdrop of the relationship. Making and keeping promises isn’t the good or right thing to do. Rather, it’s an expression of honor and respect, and it moves relationships from merely being stories to being opportunities for creating futures. 

Knowing that a set of promises comprises the foundation of every relationship will help you design your response when you find yourself attracted to “someone else.”

It’s simple – although not necessarily easy. You will have two options. One is to keep your promises, which are made to carry you through “difficult” times and to continue to create your lives together. The other option is to disregard your promises and succumb to the attraction, in which case you are exiting the relationship that was built on those promises. This is the case for all kinds of relationships, including business relationships and friendships. (Try not to add a “good” or “bad” assessment to the two options. If you can, see them simply as facts.)

The key to remaining disentangled from the web of attractions that will inevitably occur in your life is to communicate the attractions to your partner as soon as they show up. While that may be less scintillating than fantasizing about an attraction, it’s much more freeing.

We’re on the side of you being at peace and at ease and fulfilled in your relationships.

Sandy&Lon

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