Attraction

The real question is not “What if…?” It’s “When…, then what?”

August 12, 2020

What if you’re attracted to someone…else?

You may be one of the millions of people who have this concern, or its counterpart, “What if your partner is attracted to someone else?”

Millions of people miss the experience of peace, ease and fulfillment in their relationships, and millions more avoid committed relationships altogether, because of this concern.

However, the real question is not “What if…?” It’s “When…, then what?”

Being attracted to many other members of the species comes with being human. It’s been a human trait for thousands of years. Also, most people work at being attractive, so it’s likely that you will be attracted to others for the rest of your life, 

The question is “When you are attracted to ‘someone else,’ what do you do?” 

While there is no “the answer” to the question, it’s useful to know for yourself what will determine your behavior when you are attracted to “someone else.”

Promises establish the foundation and the form of a relationship. Keeping the promises nurtures the affinity that is the backdrop of the relationship. Making and keeping promises isn’t the good or right thing to do. Rather, it’s an expression of honor and respect, and it moves relationships from merely being stories to being opportunities for creating futures. 

Knowing that a set of promises comprises the foundation of every relationship will help you design your response when you find yourself attracted to “someone else.”

It’s simple – although not necessarily easy. You will have two options. One is to keep your promises, which are made to carry you through “difficult” times and to continue to create your lives together. The other option is to disregard your promises and succumb to the attraction, in which case you are exiting the relationship that was built on those promises. This is the case for all kinds of relationships, including business relationships and friendships. (Try not to add a “good” or “bad” assessment to the two options. If you can, see them simply as facts.)

The key to remaining disentangled from the web of attractions that will inevitably occur in your life is to communicate the attractions to your partner as soon as they show up. While that may be less scintillating than fantasizing about an attraction, it’s much more freeing.

We’re on the side of you being at peace and at ease and fulfilled in your relationships.

Sandy&Lon

More To Read

Find out more about relationship.

17

Sept'17

Myth #1: Relationship is a feeling

What happens when you feel lonely in your relationship?

By
Carol&Paul

25

Sept'18

“You Are SO Exasperating!”

Do you ever find yourself really exasperated in a relationship—at home or at work? What do you think produces that exasperation?

By
Sandy&Lon

15

Oct'19

Is Resignation Shaping Your Relationship?

If you really listen to yourselves talking about your relationships, you’ll hear how often you exaggerate with “always” and “never."

By
Sandy&Lon

30

Jan'20

Podcast Episode 10 Strike 2: Fear In Relationships Part 2

A deeper look into fear in relationship

By
Sandy&Lon

8

Feb'21

Upset in your relationship - Part 1

Upsets, either minor or major, are common in relationships.

By
Sandy&Lon

19

Apr'22

Interdependence and Relationship (Focus on Relationships)

We Americans are trained from our earliest days to strive to be independent. As parents, we are eager to see our children learn to walk, talk, feed and entertain themselves. We might have overdone it.

By
Sandy&Lon
VIEW ALL ARTICLES