Don’t Fix Your Relationship – It’s Not Broken!

"Now I understand why you’re not into fixing relationships!"

February 12, 2020

In one of our recent workshops, a participant excitedly said to us, “Now I understand why you’re not into fixing relationships. It’s because they’re not broken. We just didn’t understand how they worked.” 

Trying to fix something that’s not broken is more than a waste of time -- it’s potentially damaging. When you focus on fixing something that’s not broken, you can lose your focus on the delights, joys and strengths you naturally share. 

Would you try to fix your car if you didn’t know how cars work? Of course not! 

In the same way, you’ll be much more effective if you understand the design of relationships than if you go about trying to fix yours without knowing the design. The truth is, people in all  relationships inevitably encounter disappointments, upsets and frustrations from time to time. When you understand why these naturally occur, they are neither threatening nor fatally damaging to your relationships.

So why be in a relationship workshop when there’s nothing to fix in your relationships?

Like the workshop participant we quoted at the beginning, once you have seen the actual design of relationships, you can see when yours are working the way they are designed, and you can enjoy the experience of being related quite naturally from moment to moment. Moreover, you can see the universal source of those disappointments, upsets and frustrations when they arise. (Hint: It’s not you, and it’s not your partner).

And here’s the best part: when you’re not intent on fixing your relationship, you can attend to designing its future. Designing is much more satisfying than repairing!

If you're new to The Real Deal, you may want to listen to this 49-minute podcast interview with Sandy&Lon "Get Real About Relationship."

More To Read

Find out more about relationship.

7

Dec'21

Connecting: Grief and Love in Community

Carol and Paul are sending this reflection on the Exploring Extraordinary Relationship workshop that took place last month.

By
Carol&Paul

24

Jan'17

Seeing when you’re stuck in ordinary

As you begin this new year we wish you lots of experiences of freedom, ease and fulfillment in your relationships in 2017.

By
Sandy&Lon

23

Feb'17

Cracking the door to a “we” relationship

In Relationship By Design, we assert that mastering relationships has a lot to do with moving a relationship from being about “I” to being about “we,” without leaving “I” out.

By
Carol&Paul

23

Nov'21

What about Thanksgiving?

This Thanksgiving – and beyond – we invite you to turn being thankful into the action of thanking others in your life.

By
Sandy&Lon, Carol&Paul

6

July'21

Relationship and Freedom

Are relationships confining, or can relationships actually provide access to the experience of freedom?

By
Sandy&Lon, Carol&Paul

17

June'20

What if a Snarky Remark is a Red Flag?

It happened to us, and opened a door to greater intimacy.

By
Carol&Paul
VIEW ALL ARTICLES