Relationship - What's love got to do with it?

What is the way of being that we call loving?

June 3, 2020

"Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
Love isn't love till you give it away
.”

Oscar Hammerstein

Something in Hammerstein’s words rings true, and yet…

Writers and composers often speak of love as if it were a thing - a thing with many faces - usually a romantic, sweet, or dramatic thing. But what if there is no such thing as love. You can’t see it anywhere. It’s only around when we talk about it. Maybe we’re really referring to a way of being, a way of being called loving.

But what is that? What is that way of being that we call loving? 

We humans have many possible ways of being – e.g. happy, fearful, bold, shy, humorous, sullen, joyful, pensive, intense, peaceful, etc. It’s a very, very long list. And these ways of being change from time-to-time - sometimes intentionally, but most of the time not. We find ourselves being in ways that are often reactions to things happening around us. And our way of being changes as things around us change.

So when are we being loving? Is our loving others limited to those moments when they are being just the way we want them to be? Or is it possible that loving is the unique way of being that is accepting of all other ways of being? Maybe being loving is simply accepting our own and others’ way of being in the moment.  

By “accepting” we do not mean “condoning.”  Rather, accepting is acknowledging what is in this moment and allowing for other ways of being in the next moment. 

For example, being loving is accepting your sister’s being angry at the moment, knowing that she will be another way, perhaps sad, in other moments and another way, perhaps peaceful, in yet other moments.  And accepting your own being upset at the moment, knowing that you will be being another way, perhaps interested, in another moment.

Accepting allows us to be related even in moments when the other person is not being a way we would prefer. And perhaps the experience that is present when we are being related is in fact what we call love.

What is present when you say I love you? Please let us know.

We love you,

Lon & Sandy and Paul & Carol

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