Suffering In Relationship part 2

We remember when a man said to Lon’s dad at his mother’s memorial service, “It’s ok, Fritz, the suffering doesn’t last long,” and Lon’s dad answered, “I’m not suffering. I’m just sad.” We’ll not forget the lesson of that day: suffering doesn’t exist in the circumstances; suffering is a way of relating to the circumstances.

It’s similar to the fact that a circumstance, such as a flat tire, occurs as a problem based on the way one is related to the circumstance. A flat tire may be a problem for a commuter on the highway, but it’s not a problem for a tire repairman or dealer. For them it’s an opportunity.  

So what is the way of relating to a circumstance that ushers in suffering? It’s simply telling yourself “it shouldn’t be this way.” That’s the entry to suffering.  How much “it shouldn’t be this way” are you telling yourself about your relationships? Also, have you had any relationships in which you are always thinking “it’s just exactly as it should be?” Probably not. So you can see that the door to suffering in relationships is wide open!

Furthermore, when you relate to circumstances as adversities, you enter the realm of “suffering hero.” The stature of a hero is proportional to the amount of adversity and suffering that the hero faces and overcomes. Are you a suffering hero in your relationships? Are you tired of that role?

As many of you are aware, it’s normal to relate to some circumstances in your relationships as “something is wrong here” and “it shouldn’t be this way.” You are more likely to fall into that way of relating when you are unaware of the nature and design of relationships. When you are aware of the design of normal relationships, and the pitfalls associated with them, much of the “something is wrong here” and “it shouldn’t be this way” disappears, and you are left with a renewed experience of peace, freedom and ease in your relationships.

We’re looking forward to seeing you, hopefully in the not-too-distant future.

With love,

Sandy&Lon