Upset in your relationship - Part 1

Upsets, either minor or major, are common in relationships.

February 8, 2021

Upsets, either minor or major, are common in relationships. In fact, no relationship escapes upsets. But they don’t have to damage and/or destroy your relationship.

What produces upsets, and keeps them in place for long periods of time, may be the misplaced assignment of the cause of the upsets.

Most of us readily blame either ourselves or the other when upsets occur in our relationships. But perhaps that blame is misplaced. Maybe no one is actually to blame.

Look, would you purposely cause yourself to be upset? Probably not. And would you purposely cause your partner, or anyone else with whom you are in a close relationship, to be upset? Probably not. Because, if you look at it, whenever your partner is upset and unhappy, so are you. You’re never happy when the other is unhappy. In certain instances you may have a bit of glee or “serves him/her right”, but you’re not happy. So while you may upset your partner, you’re not doing it intentionally because you’re not crazy enough to purposely upset yourself. 

You might also extend that same sanity to your partner and others. They’re not crazy enough to intentionally upset you, because if you are upset, so are they. And they’re not crazy enough to purposely upset themselves. 

So maybe neither you nor the others in your relationships are to blame for the upsets. Perhaps what produces the upsets are automatic and unexamined expectations. (More to come.)

Best wishes,

Sandy&Lon

More To Read

Find out more about relationship.

25

Aug'20

Fighting in Relationships

You cannot get rid of your point of view even if you tried.

By
Sandy&Lon

23

Feb'17

Cracking the door to a “we” relationship

In Relationship By Design, we assert that mastering relationships has a lot to do with moving a relationship from being about “I” to being about “we,” without leaving “I” out.

By
Carol&Paul

12

Feb'20

Don’t Fix Your Relationship – It’s Not Broken!

"Now I understand why you’re not into fixing relationships!"

By
Sandy&Lon, Carol&Paul

23

Feb'17

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it

Have you ever heard someone say “He always…” or “She never…”?

By
Sandy&Lon

16

May'19

Where did the romance go?

“Romance is missing,” our friend said.

By
Carol&Paul

11

Sept'16

Turning your partner into furniture

Your relationship is not furniture. But if you are going to continue to speak and behave as though it is furniture, then at least emphasize its attractiveness so that you can enjoy it.

By
Carol&Paul
VIEW ALL ARTICLES