Upset in your relationship - Part 1

Upsets, either minor or major, are common in relationships. In fact, no relationship escapes upsets. But they don’t have to damage and/or destroy your relationship.

What produces upsets, and keeps them in place for long periods of time, may be the misplaced assignment of the cause of the upsets.

Most of us readily blame either ourselves or the other when upsets occur in our relationships. But perhaps that blame is misplaced. Maybe no one is actually to blame.

Look, would you purposely cause yourself to be upset? Probably not. And would you purposely cause your partner, or anyone else with whom you are in a close relationship, to be upset? Probably not. Because, if you look at it, whenever your partner is upset and unhappy, so are you. You’re never happy when the other is unhappy. In certain instances you may have a bit of glee or “serves him/her right”, but you’re not happy. So while you may upset your partner, you’re not doing it intentionally because you’re not crazy enough to purposely upset yourself. 

You might also extend that same sanity to your partner and others. They’re not crazy enough to intentionally upset you, because if you are upset, so are they. And they’re not crazy enough to purposely upset themselves. 

So maybe neither you nor the others in your relationships are to blame for the upsets. Perhaps what produces the upsets are automatic and unexamined expectations. (More to come.)

Best wishes,

Sandy&Lon